It’s that time of year…Holiday season!
I am usually a very positive person and always try to look at the best side of things, especially around the Holidays.
The
Holidays are supposed to be a time of joy, family get togethers, gifts, great
food, and comfort. It was for me all throughout my childhood.That is up until my grandmother passed away in 2007. I
have never really talked much about it around the holidays but I do
know we all feel it.
My mom, my sister, and I…
The
past is the past, you should leave it there and move forward and start
new traditions right? Maybe one day it will feel the way it should
again. Maybe one day it won’t have to be forced. Maybe one day we can
spend the holidays with
people we actually want to spend the holidays with. It doesn’t matter
the new relationships that may have been formed or whose house we are
at….it’s not with my grandma. It’s not at her house, it’s not her food,
it’s not her presence who kept us all together,
and it’s not her laugh anymore that always warmed our hearts. It’s not
even with OUR family anymore. It has been divided for 6 years spending
it with family we never grew up with that we hardly know or talk to on a
daily basis and worst of all that we cannot
connect with.
There is always the fake smile on our face, once again. We will get through another
Christmas as we have been. I am truly saddened by how our family got to
where they are. I can’t help but miss the way things used to be and miss
my grandmother. It’s
been so messed up since her passing. I pray one day, we can find the
joy again around the Holidays. I have hope, I do…it’s just been
difficult year after year and we have yet to find a good tradition that
can make us feel whole again.
I
think of the families who still have their traditions gathering around,
socializing, opening gifts, laughing…like it used to be for me. it’s
the thought of those families that keep me going as if I am looking in a
window and pretending
I was there…feeling all of it like I used to. I am still glad to know
that these traditions are still carried out by others and there is
happiness around this time of year.
There
will be families who are split much like mine, there will be families
who find these times trying like mine do, but there are families who’s
traditions supersedes all that I feel bah humbug about and those are the
families I admire this time of year.
So as we approach a new year in 2014, my goal is make sure next year is not only a better year but that is also a better year around the Holidays.
